People sometimes find themselves surprised by how personal therapy begins to feel. They may notice strong reactions toward the therapist such as trust, frustration, admiration, irritation, dependency, or even disappointment. At times, these feelings seem disproportionate to what is happening in the room. In psychoanalytic work, this is not viewed as a mistake or an embarrassment, but rather this is called transference.
What Is Transference in Therapy?
Transference refers to the way earlier relational patterns reappear within the therapeutic relationship. Feelings, expectations, and ways of relating that were shaped in past experiences can become active again, and this is not as memories alone, but as something lived in the present moment.
Also, this does not mean therapy becomes dramatic or intense. Often, transference appears quietly as a hesitation before speaking, a worry about being judged, a wish to please, a fear of disappointing, or a feeling of not being understood. Rather than correcting or dismissing these reactions, psychoanalytic therapy pays attention to them. They are not interruptions to the work, they are part of it.
Why Therapy Can Feel Different From Other Conversations
Unlike everyday relationships, therapy offers a structured and consistent space. The regularity of sessions, the focused attention, and the absence of reciprocal sharing from the therapist create conditions where relational patterns can become visible.
Sometimes, this can feel unfamiliar. Some people may feel unusually exposed. Others may feel deeply understood for the first time. Both experiences are meaningful because therapy unfolds over time. These relational dynamics are not rushed, they are explored gradually, with care and curiosity.
Transference and Repetition in Relationships
Transference is closely linked to repetition. The ways we position ourselves in relationships — as the responsible one, the overlooked one, the caretaker, the outsider — often have a history. In therapy, these positions may reappear, not to be reinforced, but to be noticed.
When something can be experienced differently within the therapeutic space, when a reaction is understood rather than acted upon, the pattern may begin to loosen. This does not happen through explanation alone, it happens through lived experience in the relationship itself.
Why This Matters for Change
Many people enter therapy hoping for insight. Understanding is important, but psychoanalytic work recognises that change often occurs not only through thinking differently, but through relating differently. Transference makes this possible as it allows patterns to become visible in real time.
Sometimes the shift is subtle such as a conversation feels less tense than before, a familiar fear does not escalate in the same way, or silence feels less threatening. All these small differences can signal something larger beginning to move.
During these moments, therapy may feel personal because it is not in the sense of friendship or advice, but in the sense that it touches the ways you have learned to be with others. These moments can also feel unfamiliar or even unsettling. Yet they are often where something meaningful begins to take shape. Therapy offers a space where this can be explored carefully, without urgency. For some, this is where new possibilities begins to take shape.
